Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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