Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
