How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
