So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
