I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
