Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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