I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I looked at my own cervix.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
MIDGETS
????
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
