What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
