Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
