i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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