i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
