Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
