Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
