Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
True strength comes from lack of pants
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
