i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
