He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
