I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
