I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
