Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
