I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
