On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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