After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
