Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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