Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
