I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize