Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
