what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize