You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
