We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
