It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
