Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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