my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
