My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
