According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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