So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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