I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
