All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
