peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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