i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
