census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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