you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
