coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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