he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
