Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
