dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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