He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
