when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
