You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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