One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
