thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
