whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
