I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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