I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
