He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
