Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
