I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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