is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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