he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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