i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
