New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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