Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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