went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
