Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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