can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
