Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
