Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ate ashes out of my bong
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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